ay ay ay, i know how to be depressing.

i mean, i don't actually mean to be. i never saw my diaries as anything other than an outlet for my thoughts and feelings, but reading them back i feel like such a pussy emo kid.

i suppose seeing fandango made me feel a lot better. the non-judgemental company lifted my spirits again, but as soon as my "family" walks through the door i go right back to the way i was before. i feel so stifled and crushed and judged and it's horrible.

what happened to unconditional love? i miss that. i don't like just being tolerated.

so anyway, heading up town with fandango was good, i spent a while with my confident face on, handing out CV's and being all "hire me I'm awesome." she arrived at my house at disgusting o'clock this morning. i heaved myself out of bed to get the door and then spent a while just sitting on the sofa with her watching awful tv. got ready and hovered at the bus stop for a while, dropping my iPod on the way and making a delicious dent in the corner. this being the brand new third generation nano they sent to replace the one that my sister broke. i haven't even have it a week and there's a chunk of aluminium missing from it.

boo.

at the bus stop we then started taking the piss out of duck face boy, doing accents at the like. fandango said something that displeased me, and with a stony face and a really shit south african accent i then told her to "shut up and clean my shoes". it was appreciated.

we dossed around town for a while, spent loads of time in new look, game and hmv. there was a beautiful little green dress in jane norman but because that shop is for the skinnies, there was a distinct look of disgust on the faces of all the shop assistants.

hmv was awesome, and now i am determined to get my hands on one of the transforming transformers dvd boxes. oh yes please. ham-mazing. i was also disappointed that they still don't stock tank girl in hmv and i might have to get it on amazon or play some time soon.

i'm also short on ideas for chrismukkah presents. if you know what you want and you know i'm buying for you, tell me. if i know what you want and can afford it, you'll have it. if i don't know or can't afford it, you're having a card.

xx