Paramore got cancelled. The cunts.

That really sucked I was totally looking forward to it and everything.

But whatever, it's just Paramore. It's not like it's Killola or anything so I'm not hurting too badly.

Yeah, spent some time in the mouth of Ports and it just made me feel worse when I got back. I had such an awesome time regardless of the drama and then when I got back the first thing I hear is "you're not as good as you think you are", "why don't you get a real fucking job?".

Gah. I never asked for it. I just want something that'll get me enough money so that I can save up for a deposit, buy a sweet guitar, and move away so I don't have to hear it any more. But as soon as I get a job with any merit my mother is going to suck all the money out of me and I'll be in pretty much the same predicament that I'm in right now. I hate it. I really just want to get the fuck out and part of me is really tempted to ask Dad if I can go have Melissa's room and try looking for work in Borehamwood now because I'm so fed up with trying here and not getting anywhere, and just being knocked back every time I try anything, by both the people I'm applying to and my mother. I think she gets a sick and twisted pleasure out of making me miserable because she is a selfish bitch and thinks that I'm just like her. She thinks that I don't care that she's ill but I don't deal with things like everyone else. I don't cry about it every time it's mentioned but I will sit back and be supportive and calm because really what do you need more? Somebody who is hysterical about it all the time or someone that you can talk to about it and they seem unfazed.

Either way I'm just fed up with her constant attempts to make me miserable and I will get the fuck out of here and prove to her that I am good. I am better than her, I am better than this, and for once I will succeed at something. And I will NOT be stuck in retail for the rest of my life.

xx

EDIT: ALSO, what the hell ass balls is up with the colour scheme of the new interface? I have a horrible feeling that Diaryland is going to become the new EllJay. Before we know it, people are going to be calling it DeeEll and messaging users with garbage notes, written in unitelligible pseudo-English while they sit in their bedrooms writing their disgustingly self-indulgent diaries on their new expensive computers, feeling cheated and unloved even though they live in delicious suburbia with family that loves them.

Hah.

I believe this may just be the beginning of the end.