I've decided I'm really fed up with being single and miserable. I mean, I know being miserable isn't exclusive to being single, but there's just the most horrific moments when you sit watching a movie with your family, and it suddenly dawns on you that you're not getting any younger, nor any more attractive or useful. I look over to my mother, who has had countless boyfriends, a failed marriage, and even a fling since said marriage which turned out to be a horrible thing and I won't elaborate any more. I look to my sister, who is onto her second real boyfriend and is engaging in consensual sex in the missionary position.

Eew.

Anyway, my mother is old, my sister is young, and I am supposedly in my prime and I lack the most simple of abilities to get a girlfriend. I fail abysmally and I'm sick and tired of being the loneliest lesbian. Somebody HELP ME! Set me up with somebody, force someone in my direction. The fact that I'm picky as fuck cannot help, but add the fact that I'm gay to the equation and it just makes everything that bit more horrendously difficult and awkward.

Now I'm angry and I don't know what to do...

Ooh! Hello Vodka, my old friend.

Oh by the way, I dyed it purpleblack. Blackpurple. Whatever. It's awesome.