I love it. I get sad or yelled at and I come straight here. It's a bit sick. I'm like some kind of "depressed" teenager.

Hah.

Man, I'm 20 now.

A 20 year old that has a dire need for cigarettes and a job, and has been given the final ultimatum of 3 days before I get booted out. Hooray!

Fuck, to be honest I'm screwed, fed up with having the same arguments, and I can't stand living here anyway. Only problem is, there's nowhere else that I can go and I just don't even know what to do any more. According to my mother today, I have no integrity, that I am the centre of my own universe and that I don't ever think about anyone else.

To be honest, reading this diary nobody would assume any different, but what goes on in my head is so much deeper than a lot of people realise, and I often bend over backwards to help people out. But no matter what I'd do, my mother would only ever see what she wants to see, and therefore I am entirely fucked. No matter how hard I try, or work, or anything she'll always just put me down because that's what she does best. My sister is the golden child, she can do no wrong. Ask my Granny. She has a nice boyfriend, she has a saturday job, she's doing her ALevels, she's going to go to university to be a Midwife. Fuck, she's going to have an actual career. She's not got offensive piercings, doesn't listen to offensive music and most certainly wouldn't tell anyone older than her where to stick it.

And then there's me.

I'm a dickhead.

I am the complete antithesis of my sister, an entire polar opposite. She's pretty, I'm not, she's sane, I'm not, she's a slut, I'm not. She wants to have babies, I don't.

Whatever.

I'm sick of being this black sheep, this great horrible mark on the family, I'm sick of being entirely shit, and I'm sick of everyone always yelling at me because I can't do anything right.

Fuck you all.